I Didn’t Know How to Say No, with Fiona Dilston
Welcome to another valuable life and business series, brought to you by Brand Builders TV. In this sequence, we’re taking the words of Fiona Dilston and bringing them to you in three instalments, all about learning to say NO to others while saying YES to yourself.
Fiona tells us, “I didn’t know how to say no.” And because of that, her career suffered, her health deteriorated, and she eventually harboured resentment toward those whom she’d been saying YES to for far too long.
That’s because when she was saying YES to everyone else, she was also saying NO to herself. And we all know what happens when we hear NO over and over again. We become frustrated. We might even think about giving up. And when the reason for those feelings isn’t recognised, that frustration manifests itself in emotional instability, health problems, relationship difficulties and much more.
You may wish to watch Fiona's entire Brand Builders TV episode, From Scared to Successful (Part One) with Fiona Dilston, here. Or keep reading to meet Fiona and experience the first of three articles in this critical series.
We’re going to learn it, model it and get shit done. So let’s go!
Meet Fiona Dilston
Fiona Dilston is an is an EFT Trainer and Practitioner, Counsellor and Homeopathic Consultant (trained in Reiki and Seichem) who is happy to conduct virtual sessions. She specialises in weight loss, emotional eating, life events…and how it’s all related to physical, mental and emotional health.
Fiona seeks to deliver services with compassion, so that people may live happy, fulfilled lives.
Now let’s hear from Fiona Dilston about learning how to say NO, so you can say YES to all the things you were meant to be, do, have and experience!
Before I Knew How to Say NO
Hello! I’m Fiona Dilston, and I’m so pleased to be able to share this series with you. I will be talking about going from being a YES girl to becoming successful and in a position where you’ll be able to “pay your own rent.”
I was a child who always had to comply. My mum was very ill and had a very difficult life. Her being ill meant I always had to say YES. It became more than a pattern, that I took right through until four or five years ago. I realised how much of a people-pleaser I had been. It’s huge. It’s epic.
People-pleasing was my survival mechanism. Hugely so, to the extent that if someone else wasn’t happy, I’d lose sleep over it. I was looking for things to give myself a hard time about.
How did I begin to stop?
Why did I need to stop?
Why was I still, 20 to 30 years later, prioritising anything, anyone, everyone…over myself?
People-pleasing is a survival mechanism. It’s a way to not get shouted at. It’s so that you don’t get hurt.
My First Experience with Saying NO
Interestingly, one of my first beginnings with saying NO was when I started training as a homeopath and my daughter was in primary school. Her class was far too big, and I was going into her school and helping. There came a point where that was biting into the time I needed to be spending on studying and seeing patients. I needed to be doing those things while my daughter was in school.
I used to have to hide from the mistress at primary school. It had always been guaranteed that Fiona would step in, do it, sort it…and I just had to say, “I’m really sorry, Mary, but I can’t.”
I was trying to be all things to all people. But I caught myself; pulled myself back. Things didn’t continue the way they did when I was doing them, but I had to say, “I’m doing this for me.”
I handed over my chocolate cake recipe to someone on the PTA. It was never the same, apparently. But I needed to stop so I could do something for me.
The Damage Saying YES can Do
By saying YES all the time, I was preventing other people from stepping up. If I would have continued trying to do it all, I would have made myself sick.
A little safety mechanism had kicked in. It was saying, “Fiona, if you want to train as a homeopath (which you put on your history of art degree application at the age of 18), you’re going to have to put this into action and fling some other things out the window.”
Learn How to Say NO to Others and YES to You
Wow! Did any of what Fiona shared hit home for you? Are you a Yes Man or Yes Woman like I am? I am learning to say NO to the things that don’t serve me, but it’s been a journey.
And speaking of journeys, let’s continue this journey together. In the second instalment of this series, Fiona is sharing a powerful story and talking about putting yourself first.
So head over to Putting Yourself First, with Fiona Dilston right now. I think some doors will be opened for you.
How long have you been putting off growing your brand? Have you been saying YES to everyone but you? And leaving yourself no time for personal development and business growth?
Today is the day that can change. Sign up for a Thinkubator, put your business in the hot seat, get feedback from accomplished entrepreneurs, make connections and so much more! It’s time to say YES…to you and your brand.