Hello, and welcome back to this fascinating series with Fiona Dilston, all about learning to say NO to others so you can say YES to what you want and need.
There is significant danger involved with being a YES man or woman. There might not be imminent physical danger. However, when you say YES to everyone but yourself, you risk your mental, physical and emotional health. You also put the world at risk—because you’re ultimately making yourself unavailable. As long as you’re saying YES to everyone who asks something of you, you won’t have the time or energy to make the global difference you were born to make.
When you give yourself permission to say NO elegantly, you will free up your mind, body and spirit to attend to the things that you’re passionate about. You will be better-equipped to dive headfirst into what you love most. And you’ll be more effective in all areas of life and business.
You may already know that this series has been derived from the Brand Builders TV episode From Scared to Successful (Part One) with Fiona Dilston. Feel free to watch the entire video here, or just read on to learn a bit more about Fiona and how she recommends you move away from being a YES man or YES woman.
Let’s keep going! Learn it, model it and get shit done!
The Real Fiona Dilston
Fiona Dilston teaches her clients to facilitate weight loss by first caring for their emotional, physical and mental health. She addresses past trauma with Reiki, Seichem, EFT, homeopathy and counselling. She teaches people to say NO, elegantly, with a compassionate and holistic approach…so they can live their happiest, most fulfilling lives.
Without further ado, and in Fiona’s own words, let’s hear about how you can stop being a YES man or woman and start living a life you’ll love.
You NEED to Say YES to Yourself
When you have the opportunity, there is a need to say YES to yourself. Turn yourself around and face that camera, even if you feel like an idiot. Chances are it’s just your inner voice saying, “You’re a bit stupid today.” But you’re not. We are our own worst critics.
I’ve got an exercise for you. Grab paper and a pen. Have a think.
Write down five people you always say YES to.
This is important because when you write things down, you make things happen.
Why do you say YES to those people? Maybe it’s your boss, and if you don’t say YES, you’ll lose your job. Maybe it’s your children.
Next, write down the names of five people you sometimes say YES to.
Now write down the names of five people you resent saying YES to…and why.
This is the big one. It’s huge. This is your sticking point, and the area you need to look at the most. You might not have five people, or you might have more than five.
These are people you need to start thinking about in your life. There’s something there that is potentially less than healthy.
If I think about the five people I have come to the point of resenting, that is when I have gone against what was good, healthy and sensible for me. When I have done things against my better judgment, my body has had a moan about it. For me, it was my gall bladder. The body is a barometer.
So have a little think. Focus on this, or come back to these things. It might be more than you want to deal with at the moment.
And finally, write down the names of five people you would never say YES to now…and why.You may have said YES to them in the past, but would never say it now.
Transformation of the YES Man/Woman
I hope those names you wrote down got you thinking.
We all grow, change, develop and progress. Take a look at how far you’ve come and this may help you with any present resentments you’ve got. There can also be threads, patterns and similarities. The way someone looks, sounds, acts or the field they’re working in can bear those likenesses.
I invite you to have a look at those five people you always say YES to, five people you sometimes say YES to, five people you resent saying YES to, and five people you would never say YES to now.
This is going to help you review the situation, and if something does come up for you from this series, don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.
If some of this has touched you, it’s stuff you need to work on. If your health is less than brilliant, nine times out of ten, it’s emotional causation. I would love to get in there and help you see what this is. I can offer a 20-minute chemistry call with no obligation.
YES Man / YES Woman No More!
Whew! I don’t know about you, but I think Fiona has given us some sage advice. I can’t wait to get to work on this so I can free up more of my time to focus on my life and my brand.
When you’re a YES man or YES woman, it can be easy to think you’re making progress. In reality, all you’re doing is forwarding other people’s agendas, while your own goals and aspirations suffer.
If you are a people-pleaser and need more personalised help with saying NO, please don’t hesitate to contact Fiona Dilston and schedule your free discovery call. I know first-hand, from working with her in the Brand Builders Club, that she has a gift for unearthing problems and turning them around for the good of all involved.
Are you enjoying the Brand Builders TV episodes? Then by all means, subscribe to the Brand Builders TV YouTube channel and the Brand Builders TV Facebook page for new episodes and notifications about upcoming live events. We’ll see you there!
Welcome back to this series on putting yourself first by learning to say NO to others and YES to yourself. In the first instalment, I Didn’t Know How to Say No with Fiona Dilston, we heard from Fiona, in her own words, about the first time she said NO and how that opened up a whole new world for her.
Fiona teaches us that we can learn to say NO elegantly, in order to go from busy YES person (who agrees to everything that everyone else wants) to successful professional and fulfilled human making a difference. When this happens, you’ll discover that you have plenty of time for yourself, with freedom to pursue your passions.
Maybe you’re a digital learner, and you’d like to view the entire video at From Scared to Successful (Part One) with Fiona Dilston. Or, if you’re more of a reader, just keep going. You’re going to read about an experience that taught Fiona about the importance of NO.
More About Fiona Dilston
Fiona Dilston is a Counsellor, Homeopath and EFT Practitioner who is trained in Seichem and Reiki. Her areas of specialty include traumatic life events, emotional eating, weight loss and mental, physical and emotional health.
Fiona treats all of her clients with the utmost compassion and encourages them to release the things that are keeping them from living their happiest lives. Contact Fiona Dilston today to schedule your free, no-obligation discovery call.
Now it's time to hand it over to Fiona. She's talking about putting yourself first, in her own words.
Called Out, Eyes Wide Open
After decades of people-pleasing and saying YES to everyone but myself, I stopped prioritising others. I’m really hoping that I won’t always be a people-pleaser just because I started that way. I hoped I’ve ditched it. But it’s there. It lurks. As a practitioner, I have to watch it.
Back in the day, I used to speed-read tarot cards, live on my business Facebook page. The sheer volume of “ME ME ME!” and shouts about “That didn’t pertain to me!” didn’t bother me. I had come to the realisation that these people were getting this for nothing.
I used to feel bad, but a woman called me out as a people-pleaser about four years ago, and that felt like a knife. I really felt it. There was something the matter with me. It was nasty. I am eternally grateful now. Because I now see that I can’t be all things to all people.
How a Festival Taught Me to Put Myself First
I was working a festival a few years ago, sitting with people and doing readings from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. A guy was camped next to me and he had everything really organised. Someone came up to him at 5 p.m. and said, “I really need healing.” He wanted a Reiki session.
The practitioner turned around and said NO. I looked at him and thought, he asked you and you said NO? The man must have read my reaction because he said, ”Possibly, all he needed out of that transaction was to be told NO.”
When I was a YES girl, boundaries were dubious. In a setting like a big festival, boundaries need to be put in place. Everyone at that festival did that, except for the people-pleasers, who had no energy left for ourselves at the end of that long day. We had just enough to stagger into the lower field, grab a coffee and go home to shower and get to bed.
I have a plethora of stories about times I’ve shot myself in the foot; the times I’ve been far too nice for my own good; times I’ve held myself back; said NO to myself in order to say YES to somebody else.
Think about that one. Saying NO to yourself in order to say YES to someone else.How about saying YES to yourself for once?
Unworthiness creeps in. You need to say YES to yourself instead of saying YES YES YES to everyone else. We all need to push ourselves forward, as a priority.
Putting Yourself First, with Fiona’s Help
Fiona had a few eye-opening moments there, didn’t she? Not only did someone call her out for being a YES Girl, she witnessed the power and importance of NO right in front of her own eyes and ears.
Those are just a few examples of how our consciousness can be raised by just paying attention to what’s going on around us. Once we crawl out from under that rock, we know the rock’s there, right? You can crawl back under, but you’ll always know it’s there.
This YES pattern was Fiona’s rock. She saw it, chose to acknowledge it, and now she’s conquering it head-on. And the greatest thing of all? She’s teaching us to do the same in the final instalment of this series, The Danger in Being a Yes Man or Woman. You’ve come this far with Fiona. Don’t stop now.
Have you been thinking about joining the Brand Builders Club? But you’ve been telling yourself NO because you have too many other obligations? If those obligations have been made to others, and they’re not forwarding your brand, then now is the time to say NO to that and YES to the Brand Builders Club. With a LITE membership, there’s no long-term obligation. You have nothing to lose except all of that YES weight.
Welcome to another valuable life and business series, brought to you by Brand Builders TV. In this sequence, we’re taking the words of Fiona Dilston and bringing them to you in three instalments, all about learning to say NO to others while saying YES to yourself.
Fiona tells us, “I didn’t know how to say no.” And because of that, her career suffered, her health deteriorated, and she eventually harboured resentment toward those whom she’d been saying YES to for far too long.
That’s because when she was saying YES to everyone else, she was also saying NO to herself. And we all know what happens when we hear NO over and over again. We become frustrated. We might even think about giving up. And when the reason for those feelings isn’t recognised, that frustration manifests itself in emotional instability, health problems, relationship difficulties and much more.
You may wish to watch Fiona's entire Brand Builders TV episode, From Scared to Successful (Part One) with Fiona Dilston, here. Or keep reading to meet Fiona and experience the first of three articles in this critical series.
We’re going to learn it, model it and get shit done. So let’s go!
Fiona Dilston is an is an EFT Trainer and Practitioner, Counsellor and Homeopathic Consultant (trained in Reiki and Seichem) who is happy to conduct virtual sessions. She specialises in weight loss, emotional eating, life events…and how it’s all related to physical, mental and emotional health.
Fiona seeks to deliver services with compassion, so that people may live happy, fulfilled lives.
Now let’s hear from Fiona Dilston about learning how to say NO, so you can say YES to all the things you were meant to be, do, have and experience!
Hello! I’m Fiona Dilston, and I’m so pleased to be able to share this series with you. I will be talking about going from being a YES girl to becoming successful and in a position where you’ll be able to “pay your own rent.”
I was a child who always had to comply. My mum was very ill and had a very difficult life. Her being ill meant I always had to say YES. It became more than a pattern, that I took right through until four or five years ago. I realised how much of a people-pleaser I had been. It’s huge. It’s epic.
People-pleasing was my survival mechanism. Hugely so, to the extent that if someone else wasn’t happy, I’d lose sleep over it. I was looking for things to give myself a hard time about.
How did I begin to stop?
Why did I need to stop?
Why was I still, 20 to 30 years later, prioritising anything, anyone, everyone…over myself?
People-pleasing is a survival mechanism. It’s a way to not get shouted at. It’s so that you don’t get hurt.
Interestingly, one of my first beginnings with saying NO was when I started training as a homeopath and my daughter was in primary school. Her class was far too big, and I was going into her school and helping. There came a point where that was biting into the time I needed to be spending on studying and seeing patients. I needed to be doing those things while my daughter was in school.
I used to have to hide from the mistress at primary school. It had always been guaranteed that Fiona would step in, do it, sort it…and I just had to say, “I’m really sorry, Mary, but I can’t.”
I was trying to be all things to all people. But I caught myself; pulled myself back. Things didn’t continue the way they did when I was doing them, but I had to say, “I’m doing this for me.”
I handed over my chocolate cake recipe to someone on the PTA. It was never the same, apparently. But I needed to stop so I could do something for me.
By saying YES all the time, I was preventing other people from stepping up. If I would have continued trying to do it all, I would have made myself sick.
A little safety mechanism had kicked in. It was saying, “Fiona, if you want to train as a homeopath (which you put on your history of art degree application at the age of 18), you’re going to have to put this into action and fling some other things out the window.”
Wow! Did any of what Fiona shared hit home for you? Are you a Yes Man or Yes Woman like I am? I am learning to say NO to the things that don’t serve me, but it’s been a journey.
And speaking of journeys, let’s continue this journey together. In the second instalment of this series, Fiona is sharing a powerful story and talking about putting yourself first.
So head over to Putting Yourself First, with Fiona Dilston right now. I think some doors will be opened for you.
How long have you been putting off growing your brand? Have you been saying YES to everyone but you? And leaving yourself no time for personal development and business growth?
Today is the day that can change. Sign up for a Thinkubator, put your business in the hot seat, get feedback from accomplished entrepreneurs, make connections and so much more! It’s time to say YES…to you and your brand.