You can move toward joy and fulfilment while doing away with the grief that’s been weighing you down. You don’t have to forget. You don’t have to dishonour that grief...but you can clear the sludge that’s been keeping you from enjoying your life.
Hello and welcome to this, the final instalment of a three-part series on grief and gratitude. The first two articles (Surviving Grief and Find Happiness in Spite of Grief) explain Philippa Bennett’s personal grief and help you to define happiness. In this series finale, you’ll be rating all the areas of your life that may be affected by grief, and then envisioning how they can be improved. This will move you closer to fulfilment and joy, without the overbearing weight of unresolved grief.
All three articles in this series have been derived from Philippa’s first Brand Builders TV episode, From Grief to Gratitude with Philippa Bennett. You may watch the entire episode below, or keep scrolling to read the conclusion of this series.
Let’s reintroduce ourselves to Philippa before we move on.
And then, it will be time to learn it, model it and get shit done. Let’s go!
More About Philippa Bennett
Philippa Bennett has gained great satisfaction from helping people to move through their grief, to find happiness in every day.
She has worked as a homeopath and therapist, catering to professionals, entrepreneurs and business owners who long to release themselves from grief and all its negative effects.
Philippa is open in sharing her own journey through grief, initiated by her Dad’s suicide, and she uses her story to develop deep, meaningful connections and to demonstrate that there is always hope.
Currently, she’s working as a life coach and mentor, “helping metal heads channel their inner rock-god so they can be confident in any situation.” If you love heavy metal music, I encourage you to subscribe to The Mindfulness Moshpit podcast.
Now, let’s hear more from Philippa in her own words.
Identifying the Impact of Grief in your Life
Grab your pen and paper. There are four concepts that I think are mainly impacted by trauma and grief inside you. So write these headings on your paper:
Now rate your happiness in each area on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least happy). Your health is not just physical health, but mental health and weight as well. The relationships category covers your relationships with yourself, spouse, partner, friends, family, work colleagues, etc. Your livelihood is your job or career. And your finances cover your money situation.
In my program, if you’ve rated anything between 1 and 4, that’s what I call Victimhood.
You create your own reality.
How does that statement make you feel? It may feel a bit prickly. Maybe you didn’t create your trauma, or drop something on your toe and break it...or didn’t ask that car to come out of nowhere and hit you.
People tend to have a problem with that statement. But, if you’re between 1 and 4, then you think you’re not high on the scale because of other people. You feel that life is happening to you. “It’s not my fault. Things just happen to me.” “I’m not making money because people aren’t buying my product.” “My relationships are bad because my spouse is an idiot and he doesn’t listen to what I’m saying.” “My mom doesn’t hear me.” This is victimhood.
If you’re at a 5-7, that’s pretty good and you’re working on it. You’re doing the work, feeling good about things and you’re in the process of moving yourself up the emotional scale.
If you’re at 7+, you’re really doing well. I don’t think you can ever be at 10, because that means everything is perfect, and we’ll always be wanting a little more.
So getting back to the statement YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY: How does it feel inside you to think that? Are you absolutely sure and comfortable with the concept of creating your own reality? Creating your own world around you? Does it trigger anything? Does it feel prickly?
If it does, then you know you’ve got work to do—and that’s a step in the right direction.
Trick your Brain to Reduce the Impact of Grief
The human brain doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not.
Imagine you’ve got a lime in your hand. We all know what a lime looks like. It smells quite nice and has that deep green, waxy finish on it.
Now just imagine you're cutting into that lime. You can smell the juice coming out. You know that it’s sour.
Most people will find by now that they’ve got more saliva in their mouth because they’re thinking about how the lime smells and tastes. Your brain doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not. There’s no lime, but your brain is interpreting signals as if there’s really a lime in your hand.
Take a look at the four areas we’ve talked about: Health, Relationships, Livelihood and Finance. If there’s an area you’d like to improve, then visualise for a few minutes the perfect scenario for that area.
If one of your relationships could be better, envision the ideal scenario for having a flawless relationship with that person. Really get into how that would feel. What smells would be around you? What situation would you be in? What would it look like? Really try to put yourself in that position.
The idea is to try to trick your brain into thinking you’re really in that situation (just like you did with the lime). Then the task is to write down the good feelings that result from that. It might be that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling in your tummy. Maybe your heart starts to beat more quickly or a smile comes on your face. Just note that on your paper.
As we move forward with more articles in the Brand Builders TV series, keep those visualisations and feelings in mind, so we can start to look at strategies to put you in better-feeling situations, to start moving up in life and to open up and come to terms with that grief and loss. Then you can deal with it, accept it, progress up the emotional scale...and yes, start to move from grief to gratitude.
More on the Impact of Grief
Wow! How about all that useful information from Brand Builder Philippa Bennett? I have learnt so much, and I trust that you have as well.
This is the end of the article series attached to Philippa’s first episode on Brand Builders TV, but many more will follow. Subscribe to the Brand Builders YouTube channel to view all of them. And Like and Follow the Brand Builders TV Facebook page for notifications about future episodes, where you can participate live!
If you’re wondering about the organisation behind these Brand Builders TV episodes, check out the Brand Builders Club. For a small monthly fee (and no obligation), you can come hang out with me and other entrepreneurs who are sharing a wide variety of invaluable information. They are there to support you in building your brand and your business, and I think you’ll love it!
Until our paths cross again, remember that the impact of grief is significant, but it doesn’t have to steal your joy.