Hello, and welcome back to instalment number two in this series about how to be resilient with Joké Hoetmer. In part one, Find Your Emotional Resilience, Joké talked about how natural, inborn resilience in inside all of us. We just have to revisit our inner child and remember what it felt like to get up and try again.
Now, we’re about to learn about adaptive resilience—or what Joké likes to call your Bounce-Back Muscle. It’s fascinating subject matter, and I hope you’ll stay with us as she shares her wisdom.
If you’d like to view the entire Brand Builders TV episode (How to Put your Inner Resilience into Overdrive) from which this article series is derived, you may do so below. Or, simply keep reading for more from Joké.
More About Joké Hoetmer
Joké Hoetmer is The Path to Purpose Mentor, working as a life coach and entrepreneur. She’s also a global best-selling author and social media influencer who has real conversations that are raw and life-enhancing.
Now it’s time to hear more about how to be resilient with Joké Hoetmer, in her own words.
It’s time to learn it, model it and get shit done!
How to be Resilient through Adaptation
The next type of resilience is adaptive resilience. With this, you’ll find that you have a bit more of a challenge. People have different ways of responding to stress and things that are happening in their lives. And that’s okay.
You’re going to learn how to build up that bounce-back muscle. You’re also going to learn that you’re born with resilience and that it’s going to be okay. You can manage to do whatever you have to do because it’s there.
Just think about it. I would love to sing, but I can’t sing. But when I’m in the shower, and nobody’s listening, I can sing. That means it’s there, but through life, through someone saying “you haven’t got a nice voice or “you sound like a crow”…whatever it is, you have stopped something that is naturally inside of you.
When I was singing in the shower, my sister (who was an opera singer in her younger days) heard me and thought it was the radio. Again, it’s there. You just have to find it.
The Journey to How to be Resilient
This journey I’m going to take with you is all about getting you to find your resilience. You’ll find how you’re going to get there, even if you feel you haven’t got it.
I used to have a brother-in-law who said to me, “I wish I had your fight and your will to live.”
I told him, “You have it, you just need to exercise it.”
He died at a very young age because he just didn’t find it. You’ve got to fight back with your will to live, to do, and to live again after life hits you. Whatever’s happened, whether it’s losing your job, getting divorced, losing financial security, being depressed, finding your marriage isn’t what it should be…just get up. You’re alive. There is another side. Life has a silver lining. You just have to get up.
This has been my life. I have had such a lot of adventure in my life, but every time I’ve gotten up.
I’ve got a son-in-law who is always even-keeled. It doesn’t seem to matter what happens. The other day, it was raining and wind and water were coming into the house. All the windows were shaking. My daughter found it very difficult because every room in the house was upside down. It was hard, and she had to find her way around that, find her happy place and adapt to that. He, on the other hand, was naturally calm.
Joké Hoetmer Teaches us How to be Resilient
And there was Joké with more examples of what being resilient looks like. As we learnt in part one, emotional resilience is the type of resiliency we’re born with (we just have to go back access it again). Now, we’ve learnt about adaptive resilience, which is the type we use as it applies to life as it changes.
Next, in the third and final instalment in this series, we’re going to discover learnt resilience. Be sure to experience that last article at Finding your Resilience, with Joké Hoetmer.
And if you like what you’ve seen and/or read here, then you’re sure to like other Brand Builders TV episodes. Find them on the Brand Builders TV YouTube channel, and stay on top of announcements by liking and following the Brand Builders TV Facebook page. Let’s stay connected!
Welcome back to this, a series by Joké Hoetmer, all about finding your inner resilience. In part one of the series, Find Your Emotional Resilience, Joké talked about the kind of resilience we’re born with. Then, in part two, How to be Resilient, she taught us about how adaptive resilience, or the kind we develop over time.
And finally, it’s time for us to hear about learnt resilience, or the kind we can learn from others.
Keep reading if you wish, or you may want to view the entire Brand Builders TV episode, How to Put your Inner Resilience into Overdrive, below.
So let’s quickly meet Joké again, and then get right to it!
About Joké Hoetmer
Joké Hoetmer, The Path to Purpose Mentor, is not only a global best-selling author, she’s a life coach and entrepreneur. She’s not afraid to have real, emotional, raw conversations that will lead to life-changing discoveries. We welcome her to the UK from South Africa, as she helps each and every one of us to find resilience within ourselves.
Let’s learn it, model it and get shit done by hearing about resilience from Joké Hoetmer in her own words.
Learnt Resilience is Lasting Resilience
The final type of resilience is learnt resilience. It’s about experiencing people who always have a cool head, like my son-in-law. Do you know people like that? They always seem to know what to do and always stay calm?
I have learnt to not overreact. I have learnt what to do in situations where I don’t naturally know what to do.
I’d like to tell you a little story to demonstrate this.
A Story about Resilience
Imagine you’re sitting on a South African beach. You see a man walking, wrapped in rags. There’s a storm. He can’t breathe because the sand is blowing into his eyes and nose. If you’ve ever been in that situation, you know it’s a horrible feeling. It’s something like in the UK or Scotland, when little mites are all over your face. You cannot see or breathe.
This storm is your life storm. You don’t keep on walking. Instead, you sit still. What I see in that storm is that man parking his camel, covering his head and sitting quietly until the storm passes.
While you sit quietly, you need to control your thoughts. Meditate. Go into who you are and what you’re here for. Go to your quiet place. You may want to imagine you’re on the beach…even though you’re in the middle of the desert. Whatever it takes, calm down in that storm.
Don’t overreact. Don’t make decisions whilst in that storm—because if you do, you will make the wrong choices.
Then, the man gets up from sheltering from the storm and realises that it’s clear. Up ahead, he sees an oasis. If he would have kept walking straight whilst that storm was raging, he would have missed that oasis. He would have walked miles and miles farther.
That means you’ve got to wait and get all those emotions, fear and doubt in check. Stop and don’t do anything.
I’m not often quiet, but when I am, that’s when I’m in a storm. I’m listening.
Big Storms, Little Storms and Resilience
I’ve had a lot of storms. Sometimes big storms, sometimes little storms. But I never make a decision in a storm. That is the learnt resilience that I’ve had. This is something you’ll grow and develop as you go along. And it’s a good thing. Because next time you’re in a storm, or next time your husband does something to upset you, you don’t have to overreact. If your child uses drugs again, you’ll realise that shouting at him or taking away his drugs isn’t going to help. You sit still in that storm, until you get clarity.
So how do we get clarity? You need to practice knowing who you are. In that storm, I can say, “I’m the camel,” or, “I’m the Arab.” The camel just does what he does naturally. The Arab will think things out. Now you’re going to do both. You have a natural survival instinct. Don’t lose it. Don’t let depression or any other situation take that natural survival.
Even I’ve been depressed. It’s not natural for me to be depressed, but I’ve been in situations where I’ve felt so stuck.
So your strategy going forward is to practice knowing who you are. In other words, set boundaries and never quit. By knowing who you are, you don’t have to be afraid to tell others how it is. Tell them the truth, these are the facts. Be assertive and say it. Set those boundaries. You will not go through this again; you are learning to listen and you’re growing through this. You are good enough to get up again. No failure is going to define you. You define you.
Find that focus that makes you unique. Find that boundary if you’ve lost it. Say, “I recognise my failure here,” “I recognise my part in this,” “I recognise my reaction in this,” or, “I am accountable in this.” Take that accountability and decide. Decide not to take it any further.
Using Resilience to Heal
Now you’ve accepted who you are, you’ve put down your boundaries and you’ve made it clear. Now you can start working toward healing.
Get your healthy habits back. Because somewhere along the line, before this storm happened or before this life happened, something was hung up. It’s like guitar strings, when one is not working well. They might go bad often, but you can’t play with a bad string. If you don’t have that divine balance, or emotional stability, in your life, spiritual maturity, physical happiness…you’ve got to get it all.
So get your physical body back. Rebuild healthy habits. Stop doing whatever is was that was unhealthy. Make that decision. Get your sleep patterns right. If I don’t get to bed at 10, I can’t get up at 5 or 6 in the morning. So I set my alarm, and whatever I’m doing at 10 p.m., I go to bed. That’s a healthy habit. And in the morning, I recommend setting your alarm, getting up and doing what you have to do.
This is essential because whatever happened in your life can change your balance and cause you to lose healthy habits. Get back to doing what is right. Your diet, sleeping habits, relaxing, etc.
Some people need to do something to relax. I once had a boyfriend who needed to run to relax. Sometimes, when he was edgy, I’d say, “Just go and run.” My son used to play squash. “Just go play squash.” I go on a walk with the dogs. Or go walk in nature. Go to the gym. Make yourself a cup of tea and have a slice of cake. Do everything in moderation, but do the things you enjoy in order to get back.
Furthermore, never ever stop reaching out. This will better enable you to step into whatever is new. This is something that gets so interrupted. We get into habits and do the same things every day. I met an elderly gentlemen, who was well into his 80s. Every day, like clockwork, four times a day, he walked his dog. Every day, the same time, the same route.
Maybe every time you go to a restaurant, you have the same meal. Change. Be a little different. To have resilience, you must embrace change. It’s okay to have habits, but you also need diversity.
Have various forms of income, various interests…don’t just watch the same cowboy movies or documentaries. Have diversity. Spend time with yourself to get yourself into alignment, to be the best version of you. Always push diversities. You can have hobbies, or go out to socialise. Personally, I find it difficult to go out and meet up with friends. But I have made an effort to reach out to friends and go out to meet them.
Reach out regularly. I reach out to three new people every day. If you are in my thoughts, I will reach out to you, and it’s always welcome. You never know what that person is going through, and you may encourage them to get out of their situation, bubble, depression…with your hope and encouragement. Plus, they might say something you need. You’ve got to do this.
We’ve got to listen to other people. We’ve got to reach out. People need people and you need people.
Always, at my weakest, I have reached out to people. Somehow while reaching out, I forget my own pain because it’s not important. When you die, you can’t take money, your home, your business, your beautiful car. You can only take your life and your experiences that you have paid forward to other people. Your resilience is giving back to others who are less fortunate than you. I believe that you can bounce back by reaching out. I want to encourage everyone. This is a story about resilience you never knew you had.
Resilience isn't Just for the Strong
Resilience isn’t just for the strong. Stop looking at other people and saying, “Oh, she’s got it.”
My life has been such a roller coaster. If you follow me and read me book, you’ll see I haven’t had an easy life. I’ve always had challenges, but I’ve always embraced them. And I still have the world to be able to love and find my way back again. And I’m 70. If I still feel life is ahead of me, what about you?
If you find what you’re looking for—if you find something you like—embrace it. Follow your heart. Your heart does not lie.
You Can Have Resilience, in Every Area of Life and Business
Well, that does it for this Brand Builders TV series, all about resilience. I hope that you’ve discovered that you have resilience inside you, that you can develop resilience and that you can learn from those around you how to be resilient.
I would like to thank Joké Hoetmer for sharing her wisdom with us. And I’d also like to invite you to explore all the possibilities for resilience held within RippleFest Quest. There, you will find all the various ways you can use one drop to create a ripple and make a difference in the world. I cordially invite you to discover everything that RippleFest has to offer—I promise, you will not be disappointed.
In this series, Joké Hoetmer is going to help you discover that you have more emotional resilience than you think, as well as give you steps to help you weather any storm. She’s going to use her effervescent personality to prove that no matter what storm you’re enduring, you can find the resilience to not only weather that storm, but come out of it stronger and even more resilient than before.
You will learn what getting through tough times looks like, learn about the three different types of resiliency, and even get some examples of what resiliency looks and feels like in different situations.
As with other Brand Builders TV article series, this one is taken directly from Joké’s episode, How to Put your Inner Resilience into Overdrive. You may choose to watch the entire episode below, or simply keep reading as we bring you this content in Joké’s own words.
So no matter what storm you’re currently caught up in, it’s now time to learn it, model it and get shit done. Let’s go!
Meet Joké Hoetmer
Originally from South Africa, Joké now lives in the UK. From there, she’s helping all of us to accept our failures, get back up and walk again!
So without further ado, let’s hear from Joké Hoetmer in her own words.
Put Your Emotional Resilience into Overdrive
Hello! This is Joké Hoetmer and I’m teaching you how to put your resilience into overdrive. Today, we’re going to talk about how you have more resilience than you know.
Resilience isn’t only for the strong. You are stronger than what you thought.
This is something that I’m very passionate about. In the years that I’ve had in my life, I’ve always been very resilient. There are certain things you need to have in order to get to that place of resilience.
I am currently on a houseboat. Last Tuesday, I learnt that there would be a lockdown and I that I’d have to move within a day. I left at 9:30 in the evening with my bag containing everything I thought I’d need. I had to think on my feet, because I didn’t know how long this lockdown would last. I just landed here. Here I am, in this boat. It’s amazing and so homey.
That was a bit about me, but now I want to talk about you—about how you have that inner resilience. Do you know when life hits you? And you’ve got to make changes? Because life does happen, and it changes so much. I had to change overnight—within one day. I realised I could not stay where I was. I had to make a move.
And now, Sammy is just five boats away from me!
We’ve got to make decisions, and quickly. And then stand on our own two feet after we make those decisions.
Natural Emotional Resilience
Now we’re going to talk about the resilience you’re born with. It’s initiated inside you.
When you’re born with resilience, it’s natural emotional resilience. Think about children when they’re learning to walk, fall and get up again. I was just watching my granddaughter. Every time she cries, or falls, she goes to her mum, gets reassurance and gets back to it again. That proves that it’s something we have inside of us from the start—to just get up and keep on trying.
You might have that natural, inborn resilience that a child has, to experience things and to never be afraid. I was watching Sir Richard Branson talking about his grandmother teaching him to swim at the age of six. She took away the tube and whatever else could help him to stay afloat, then told him to go swim in the river. And he did. He doggie paddled, but he swam. He had such resilience and self-pride within himself. He coped and did what he had to do.
That’s exactly what we all have. We have inherited, natural resilience. We are all natural survivors.
We All Have Emotional Resilience
Sammy again. Wow! Have you ever thought about resilience in that way?
When you were a little child, you didn’t give up. No matter what happened to you, you got up and tried again. But somewhere along the line, many of us lose our trust in our own natural, inborn, emotional resilience.
It’s in there. You just have to find it again. So take yourself back to the child you once were. Ask yourself what ‘little you’ would have done. Would they have given up? Or kept moving forward?
I think we all know the answer to that question.
That also means you’re going to keep going by reading the next instalment in this series, How to be Resilient, with Joké Hoetmer. I’ll see you there…and maybe I’ll also see you in the Brand Builders Club. There, you will find a safe place designed just for entrepreneurs like you. There’s personal and professional guidance, accountability and wisdom to help you achieve the income level of your dreams! Join us, won’t you?
You can even register to join a Thinkubator, where you can learn how to stop working so many hours and simultaneously take your business to the next level. Are you ready? I think you are.