Have you been victimized? Are you a victim? Today, we’re going to answer the question, “What is a victim?” Licia Berry, The Guide to the Frontier Inside, is personally and professionally over-qualified to answer this query, and we are blessed enough to go along for that ride.
Join us for this, another Brand Builders TV article series, taken directly from Licia’s Brand Builders TV episode, I’m Not a Victim, I’m Victorious (Part One). In it, you will learn the answer to the question, “What is a victim?” and you will learn about the dangers that come with prolonging victim status.
Licia will also guide you through answering three pivotal questions about your life—questions designed to till a plot of fertile soil so you can plant your seeds of victory.
I hope you’re as excited as I am for this. Licia is an eloquent speaker (as you’ll see in the video below) with a background in education. She’ll have you on the edge of your seat, whether you choose to view the video or keep reading for part one of this intriguing three-part article series.
Let’s meet Licia Berry, and then we’ll dive right in!
Learn it, model it and get shit done!
Meet Licia Berry
Licia Berry spent the first part of her life feeling disconnected. But then she found a way to heal and now helps others to feel connected to their blessings and lessons (or “blessons”). She is founder and president of Daughters of Earth Women’s Leadership Institute.
With a grounded, scientific approach, Licia utilizes her more than 25 years of education and training experience to help individuals feel connected and that they belong, as well as to express their unique selves. She is trained in psychology, family dynamics, systems theory, creative arts, neuroscience, quantum mechanics and shamanism.
Now let’s hear from Licia, in her own words, as she describes victimhood and begins to show us how it is, by definition, a temporary state.
Turning Pain into Your Prize
Hi, I’m Licia Berry and I’m so excited to be here with you. I am known as The Guide to the Frontier Inside.
I’ve known Sammy for a while, and I’m so excited for this wonderful new effort. In this series, I’m going to be introducing you to an orientation toward success fulfillment that will transform any challenge you have faced, are currently facing, will ever face…no matter what it may be. We will turn those challenges into rocket fuel for success.
This is about pain being turned into your prize. Accepting, claiming and embracing our pain changes it from suffering to blessings and lessons, or “blessons.”
2020 Has Been a 'Blesson'
2020 has been a year, hasn’t it? It has dragged out every little fear, belief, attachment, aversion…out of those dark corners of our minds and into harsh, bright light. We all know that from being on social media, don’t we?
Have you noticed how many business owners are actually thriving? While many business owners are suffering with the events of a challenging year? Some of them are transforming challenges into treasure—even enjoyment. Why is that? How is that possible?
Think about it. Every great invention, and every problem that’s been solved, is in response to some sort of suffering. This is true in business, too. The ability to respond to challenges is a resilience and an orientation that does not allow suffering to freeze, disorganize or depower us. But instead to organize, inspire and push us. Pain can be the greatest medicine.
This is most true in the realm of entrepreneurship. Our personal experiences shape and drive the businesses we create, as well as how we show up as leaders in our businesses.
How we respond to our challenges very much informs the success or failure of our entrepreneurship. What’s on the inside will come out (as every leader knows).
Entrepreneurship as an Initiation
Being an entrepreneur is an initiation—or a series of initiations. We are being tested every single day. Are we worthy? Do we show up? Do they like us? Do they like us enough to pay us? There are daily tests.
Being an entrepreneur tests almost every link of every chain of our being. It rattles the cage. We can be chugging along and a challenge shows up, and we’re only as strong as our weakest link.
In an environment or society where exposing that we have pain is interpreted as complaining, or where expressing sorrow is considered a weakness, we may be reluctant to proudly proclaim our pain as the source of our prowess. It’s the very fuel that feeds the fire of our desire to get out of bed every morning and change the world. This is the way through to victory.
An Answer to the Question, "What is a Victim?"
Let’s talk about the trigger word victim. Were you able to read the title of this Brand Builders TV episode without being triggered? It has become a significant trigger word in our society, so let’s take a look at it, full face-on.
When something happens to us that we have no power over, that means we’re a victim in that situation. In the moment of that hard thing happening, in which we are powerless, we are victimized by that circumstance.
Webster’s definition of victim is, “a person harmed, injured or killed as a result of a crime, accident or other event or action. One is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, subjected to oppression, hardship or mistreatment.”
Heavy stuff, right? And yet, look at what came to light in 2020, as a result of the stress and compression of the challenges during that time. We are seeing the state of being a victim everywhere. Inflamed emotions. Inflamed opinions. People are stirred up with feelings of being victimized.
Truly being a victim, by definition, is a temporary state in which one is powerless. Powerlessness is a requirement in the definition of being a victim.
We can look at several times throughout the course of history when groups and individuals have been victimized by others with force (weapons or power, for instance). In our modern world, right now, we can see that there are victims of sexism, racism, violence, homophobia, domestic and child abuse, sex trafficking, accidents, illness and family tragedies. There’s no shortage of challenging events that can happen in one’s life, and that have the potential to derail us. And perhaps, we have no power to control these situations.
But it seems that suffering is a condition of being alive. If you’re above the ground, living means that there will sometimes be pain. There’s hopefully lots of joy, but there’s also pain.
Again, it’s a condition of being alive. Physical, emotional and spiritual health can be deeply touched and impacted by those hard things in life.
What is a Victim? Are you a Victim?
I don’t know about you, but Licia’s explanation of victimhood really helped me to understand that it’s a temporary state. Many of us have been victims in our lifetimes; however, after it’s over we have a choice. We can choose to exist in a state of victimhood, or we can rise up, victorious. We can use that pain to unveil our prize. We can use those blessons to motivate us to help others and create ripples that will change the world.
We can’t stop here! It’s time to move on to article number two in the series, I am a Victim no More, with Licia Berry. In it, Licia is going to talk about being triggered by the word victim, facing and moving past pain, and even compost. Yes, that’s right—compost! And then, it will be on to part three, Turn Emotional Pain into Your Prize. In it, Licia will talk about pain being a part of you (and turning it into gold), as well as figuring out what's wasting your time.
Don’t miss the rest of this series, and if you’ve been moved by what you’ve experienced here, head over to the Brand Builders TV YouTube channel and subscribe. Then you’ll never miss a new Brand Builders TV recording.
Additionally, if you’d like to participate live in upcoming episodes, like and follow the Brand Builders TV Facebook page. There are limitless deep-dive topics, and tips and tricks to help you live your life and run your business with ease and flow. Who wouldn’t want that?
There was a time when Licia Berry could say, “I am a victim.” She could still be saying that; however, she has chosen to expose her pain, acknowledge it and then use it to create something beautiful.
In this, article two of a three-part series, Licia is going to tell us her story of painful abuse. She’s also going to illustrate her turning point, when she proclaimed, “I am a victim no more.”
If you missed the first part of this series, please go back to What is a Victim? with Licia Berry. In it, you will find the definition of the word victim, as well as a reflection on 2020 and how turning pain into a prize is not only possible, it’s the best way forward.
If you’re a digital learner, you may wish to view the entire Brand Builders TV episode, I Am Not a Victim, I’m Victorious (Part One), here. Or, just read on to continue through this priceless series on pain, healing and victory.
Let’s learn it, model it and get shit done!
More About Licia Berry
Licia Berry is the president and founder of Daughters of Earth Women’s Leadership Institute, has been an educator and trainer for nearly three decades, and is trained in systems theory, quantum mechanics, neurosciences, creative arts, world cultures, psychology, shamanism and family dynamics.
Licia Berry uses her personal and professional experiences to help others to conquer pain, to feel more connected and to express themselves as only they can.
So without further ado, let’s join Licia as she enlightens us, in her own words, on the subject of victimhood, her story of victory over pain and…wait for it…compost.
Power Over Victimhood, as Told by Licia Berry
How do you feel about the word victim? Do you feel triggered like I do when I see it? When I see that word, I don’t want to look at it or feel it, because I’m not a victim.
When you look at the definition of the word can you see there’s a difference between that and what the word has been created to mean in our culture? It should mean powerlessness in the moment of something happening to us.
How do we turn the word victim into victory or victorious or victor…in which we do have power?
We may not have had power in the moment of a traumatic or difficult circumstance, receiving the onslaught of an unkind stranger or having some tragedy occur. But once we have lived through and are clear of that situation, we have the power to choose how to transform that pain into something useful and productive for all creation. That is the power. Then we are no longer victims.
Use Pain to Make Compost
I’m curious. Are you a gardener? I have had an organic garden since the 90s. I know something that makes organic gardening work, and that’s compost.
Compost is the stuff that makes the most beautiful, strong, resilient and productive plants from the grody leavings of your kitchen and your yard. It’s made up of grass clippings, coffee grounds, bits of ends of veggies and fruits, eggshells, etc.
You would normally throw that stuff away. It’s the yuck. We think it’s valueless. But if we save it and turn it, add some air, water, fire…it becomes black gold that creates the most success in our gardens.
It’s why I called my 2012 book Soul Compost. Nature shows us all the time how to live right.
My Darkness and Pain
I have experienced my share of darkness and pain. I was a victim, at one time, of child and sexual abuse, gun violence, attempted murder, sexual assault…all by the age of 18.
My preparation for adult life lacked a lot. When I went out into the world, I was unprepared for living in an empowered way. Not my fault, right? I was powerless as a child, and there was nothing I could do about what was happening to me in those moments. By definition, I was a victim.
But there came a time in my early 20s that I realized I was miserable, and in a lot of pain. I didn’t want to live my life that way anymore. I was newly married to my beloved Pete, had started a career in education that I absolutely loved…and I had everything to look forward to.
But I was haunted and depressed by my history. No matter how I tried to move forward and run from my past, I couldn’t escape it. It was heavy and dark, and it hurt.
One day, something really important happened. I was conversing with an education colleague. I shared my state of mind with her. I exposed my pain. Exposed my belly and my throat.
Does that make you shiver? The thought of exposing your pain? Exposing pain is a great risk, in any circle of the world. But it is the answer. It’s about dealing with what is real and saying, “This pain is not me.” “This thing that happened to me is not me.” “I carry the effects of it, but the pain is not me.” “I can show you this pain, and it’s okay because exposing the pain opens the door.”
Opening the door, on the day I exposed my pain to my colleague, was very painful. But it moved me from that contained, painful inner world to all the possibilities of a bright and joyful future. It opened the door from a dark, scary, small, tight, compressed space into a place where everything was possible.
My colleague recommended a book called The Courage to Heal. It contained 800 pages, which I read veraciously, as if my life depended upon it.
Then I entered cognitive therapy for two full years
That was the beginning of my healing journey.
And here I am, 30 years later, living the life of my dreams with a six-figure business; a loving marriage (still with the same man); two fabulous, grown, fully-actualized children; and a community of people who want to learn from me.
I am so blessed and feel so fulfilled. I feel deeply grateful.
I Choose to Say, “I am a Victim no More”
I’ve been asked, “Do you have pain come up?” Of course I do. I am a human being. The historical stuff doesn’t come up so much anymore, but there’s pain in life. There’s suffering. But I now have a choice and a voice—and so do you!
I am no longer a victim. I have power and tools to take care of myself. I’m going to be sharing over my entire time on Brand Builders TV how to make compost out of the challenges in your life—so you can move you (and those parts of you) from victim to victorious.
Have You been Saying, "I am a Victim?"
How great is Licia? She really knows how to access those parts of all of us that are in pain, doesn’t she?
I hope you have drawn some wisdom from Licia’s words, and that you can open the door to your own pain, realizing that it’s not all of you. It’s just a small part of you that should be acknowledged, accepted and used to build your own personal victory.
Now it’s time for the final instalment of this three-part article series with Licia Berry. Head on over to Turn Emotional Pain into your Prize to wrap it up with an experiential exercise. Licia will ask you three provocative questions, and what you learn about yourself might be all you need to move past your pain and toward your prize!
This is the kind of uplifting material we delve into with every Brand Builders Club activity, including our Thinkubators. There’s no long-term commitment, and you have nothing to lose by joining. On the other hand, you’re losing countless opportunities to network and grow your brand with every day you choose to stay away. Join us now! Rub elbows with Licia and dozens of other accomplished entrepreneurs, in a safe environment filled with inspiration, wisdom, tools, accountability and so much more.