You can move toward joy and fulfilment while doing away with the grief that’s been weighing you down. You don’t have to forget. You don’t have to dishonour that grief...but you can clear the sludge that’s been keeping you from enjoying your life.
Hello and welcome to this, the final instalment of a three-part series on grief and gratitude. The first two articles (Surviving Grief and Find Happiness in Spite of Grief) explain Philippa Bennett’s personal grief and help you to define happiness. In this series finale, you’ll be rating all the areas of your life that may be affected by grief, and then envisioning how they can be improved. This will move you closer to fulfilment and joy, without the overbearing weight of unresolved grief.
All three articles in this series have been derived from Philippa’s first Brand Builders TV episode, From Grief to Gratitude with Philippa Bennett. You may watch the entire episode below, or keep scrolling to read the conclusion of this series.
Let’s reintroduce ourselves to Philippa before we move on.
And then, it will be time to learn it, model it and get shit done. Let’s go!
More About Philippa Bennett
Philippa Bennett has gained great satisfaction from helping people to move through their grief, to find happiness in every day.
She has worked as a homeopath and therapist, catering to professionals, entrepreneurs and business owners who long to release themselves from grief and all its negative effects.
Philippa is open in sharing her own journey through grief, initiated by her Dad’s suicide, and she uses her story to develop deep, meaningful connections and to demonstrate that there is always hope.
Currently, she’s working as a life coach and mentor, “helping metal heads channel their inner rock-god so they can be confident in any situation.” If you love heavy metal music, I encourage you to subscribe to The Mindfulness Moshpit podcast.
Now, let’s hear more from Philippa in her own words.
Identifying the Impact of Grief in your Life
Grab your pen and paper. There are four concepts that I think are mainly impacted by trauma and grief inside you. So write these headings on your paper:
Now rate your happiness in each area on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least happy). Your health is not just physical health, but mental health and weight as well. The relationships category covers your relationships with yourself, spouse, partner, friends, family, work colleagues, etc. Your livelihood is your job or career. And your finances cover your money situation.
In my program, if you’ve rated anything between 1 and 4, that’s what I call Victimhood.
You create your own reality.
How does that statement make you feel? It may feel a bit prickly. Maybe you didn’t create your trauma, or drop something on your toe and break it...or didn’t ask that car to come out of nowhere and hit you.
People tend to have a problem with that statement. But, if you’re between 1 and 4, then you think you’re not high on the scale because of other people. You feel that life is happening to you. “It’s not my fault. Things just happen to me.” “I’m not making money because people aren’t buying my product.” “My relationships are bad because my spouse is an idiot and he doesn’t listen to what I’m saying.” “My mom doesn’t hear me.” This is victimhood.
If you’re at a 5-7, that’s pretty good and you’re working on it. You’re doing the work, feeling good about things and you’re in the process of moving yourself up the emotional scale.
If you’re at 7+, you’re really doing well. I don’t think you can ever be at 10, because that means everything is perfect, and we’ll always be wanting a little more.
So getting back to the statement YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY: How does it feel inside you to think that? Are you absolutely sure and comfortable with the concept of creating your own reality? Creating your own world around you? Does it trigger anything? Does it feel prickly?
If it does, then you know you’ve got work to do—and that’s a step in the right direction.
Trick your Brain to Reduce the Impact of Grief
The human brain doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not.
Imagine you’ve got a lime in your hand. We all know what a lime looks like. It smells quite nice and has that deep green, waxy finish on it.
Now just imagine you're cutting into that lime. You can smell the juice coming out. You know that it’s sour.
Most people will find by now that they’ve got more saliva in their mouth because they’re thinking about how the lime smells and tastes. Your brain doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not. There’s no lime, but your brain is interpreting signals as if there’s really a lime in your hand.
Take a look at the four areas we’ve talked about: Health, Relationships, Livelihood and Finance. If there’s an area you’d like to improve, then visualise for a few minutes the perfect scenario for that area.
If one of your relationships could be better, envision the ideal scenario for having a flawless relationship with that person. Really get into how that would feel. What smells would be around you? What situation would you be in? What would it look like? Really try to put yourself in that position.
The idea is to try to trick your brain into thinking you’re really in that situation (just like you did with the lime). Then the task is to write down the good feelings that result from that. It might be that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling in your tummy. Maybe your heart starts to beat more quickly or a smile comes on your face. Just note that on your paper.
As we move forward with more articles in the Brand Builders TV series, keep those visualisations and feelings in mind, so we can start to look at strategies to put you in better-feeling situations, to start moving up in life and to open up and come to terms with that grief and loss. Then you can deal with it, accept it, progress up the emotional scale...and yes, start to move from grief to gratitude.
More on the Impact of Grief
Wow! How about all that useful information from Brand Builder Philippa Bennett? I have learnt so much, and I trust that you have as well.
This is the end of the article series attached to Philippa’s first episode on Brand Builders TV, but many more will follow. Subscribe to the Brand Builders YouTube channel to view all of them. And Like and Follow the Brand Builders TV Facebook page for notifications about future episodes, where you can participate live!
If you’re wondering about the organisation behind these Brand Builders TV episodes, check out the Brand Builders Club. For a small monthly fee (and no obligation), you can come hang out with me and other entrepreneurs who are sharing a wide variety of invaluable information. They are there to support you in building your brand and your business, and I think you’ll love it!
Until our paths cross again, remember that the impact of grief is significant, but it doesn’t have to steal your joy.
Hello and welcome back to this series on moving from grief to gratitude. In the first article, Surviving Grief, Philippa shared with us her heart-wrenching story of the day she learnt her father had committed suicide. And now, we’re moving forward with Philippa as she teaches us how to find happiness in spite of grief.
We at the Brand Builders Club know that people like to absorb information in a variety of ways. That’s why we invite you to view the entire Brand Builders TV episode, From Grief to Gratitude with Philippa Bennett below, or read on for the second part of the series.
Time to learn it, model it and get shit done. Let’s keep going!
Who is Philippa Bennett?
Philippa Bennett has helped many people to find happiness every day, in spite of the traumatic events and grief that threaten to take away their joy. Her practice has evolved to focus on mentoring metal music lovers; however, the grief portion of her teachings is still valid and necessary.
As a well-being therapist and homeopath, she has worked primarily with business owners and professionals who wish to unburden themselves from the grief that’s been clouding their happiness. She’s used her own journey through grief (resulting from her father’s suicide) to connect with her patients and help them see that there is hope.
I encourage you to subscribe to Philippa’s podcast, The Mindfulness Moshpit. You will not be disappointed!
Now for more on grief, in Philippa's own words.
Hello! It’s Philippa again, and I’m so glad you could join me.
I have a question for you:
How would you describe grief? What does grief mean to you?
There are a few general themes that usually come up: things like sadness, feeling upset, crying. It’s a really strange subject because it’s something we’re all going to go through in our lives, and it’s something we’ll all have to deal with. And yet, we don’t talk about it. It’s not something that people come forward with. It’s such an awful, dark feeling. Some would describe it as extreme sadness or uncontrollable crying.
For me, my black sludgy ball of grief would occasionally come up and vomit grief. That sounds awful, but it would come out of nowhere and come up and choke my throat.
Often, grief spontaneously comes up. It could also be described as a dark and heavy weight. The colour black is often associated with grief.
Does it look like that for you?
Now that you have a better idea of what your grief looks like, let’s see how you picture happiness.
Get a piece of paper and a pen so you can write down answers to the following questions. You will use your answers throughout this entire series.
1. What Makes You Happy?
This is a personal question. What are the things that make you happy in life? For me, it’s nature. If I’m in the city for too long, I need to get out into open spaces. Music is a huge part of my life. It takes me back to happy memories (and some not-so-happy memories), and it’s hugely important. Food makes me happy; tasting, smelling, preparing and eating it.
Now write down what makes YOU happy.
2. Why Do Those Things Make You Happy?
This can be a tricky question to answer. For me, it’s about how I feel. When I’m in nature, outside in the peace and quiet, my nervous system is calmed and stresses tend to float away.
How do you feel when you’re happy?
3. How Many of Those Things are Influenced by Other People?
When I finished school and went to college, I studied computer science. I have no regrets about that because it’s been very good for my life and career. But I actually wanted to stay at school and do A-levels (math, physics, French). My boyfriend at the time wanted me to go to college because he was a couple of years older, and he didn’t want me being at school among "kids." So I went to college to please him. I thought I was making myself happy by making him happy, but in hindsight, that really wasn’t the case.
So is there anything on your list simply because it makes someone else happy? Because it’s influenced by other people?
4. How Different Would Your List be if you Weren’t Influenced by Others?
If you had no friends and family to worry about, or you simply didn’t care what they thought, would your list be different?
Have a think about that before moving on.
Grief Affects How you Find Happiness
So you’ve got these things that make you happy (and it could be anything, because this is as subjective as everyone is individual). But if grief is un-dealt-with and is still sitting there as that sludgy, toxic ball in your gut that hasn’t moved, that can hinder you from being able to fully enjoy those things on your list.
You might think yes, it makes me happy, but you’ve still got this feeling that’s not allowing you to fully enjoy life or go further into those things you enjoy doing. It’s always going to affect all (or many) aspects of your life.
Let’s go back to question #1, all about what makes you happy. In my work as a homeopath, I have discovered there are some general things that people really want in their lives, to improve and feel happier.
The first thing that comes up often is freedom. That’s important, and can mean many different things to different people.
The other thing that comes up in my practice is less pain. That can be mental pain, physical pain or feeling unwell (which is largely emotional).
Material and financial matters are also happiness concerns for people. Some may say that material things are not important in life, but I have a different opinion on that. You need money in this world. You can’t live without it. It doesn’t buy happiness, but it does help. If you have the money to do the things that nourish your soul, you can do them. So finance and material worth are things that come up in happiness plans.
Another thing I notice in my practice is inner peace. When I think of my patients who have gone through traumatic experiences—and my own traumatic experience—there’s always this chatter in the back of your head. It’s not loud, but it’s always nagging at you, and you can’t have inner peace. Quieting that chatter helps people to be happier.
Now I’m going to throw a spider in the works and say that grief, as a concept and as a trauma, in my humble opinion and with years of practice and working on myself, is something you can never really get over. That’s something that some people may not agree with, but I don’t think you can ever really get over grief, loss or trauma. It’s always going to be there and there’s going to be a certain amount of sadness about it. There will be negative feelings associated with it, but the goal should be to get to a level of acceptance and peace…not to make it go away. You will never make it un-happen.
You can come to better terms with your grief so you can have a better life.
Philippa is Helping you to Find Happiness, for a Better Life
How about that? Philippa is helping many people break through grief, and I hope you’ll stick with this series so you can reap those benefits, too.
We’ve all heard that you can be bitter or better. I think that applies here. We can stay in a state of awful grief, with bitterness about what has happened, or we can acknowledge it, accept it and move forward toward gratitude, happiness and pure joy.
There’s one more instalment in this particular series with Philippa, and you won’t want to miss it. In The Impact of Grief on Happiness, with Philippa Bennett, she’s going to help all of us improve the areas of our lives that are typically impacted by grief. She’s talking about health, finance, relationships and so much more. You will rate each one and learn to envision what you want so you can build your happiness in that area.
Philippa is part of the Brand Builders Club, and there are many, many more professionals sharing their life and business experience in the club. If you’re looking for a safe space where entrepreneurs gather for guidance, accountability and achievement, you’ll want to get a LITE Membership today. It’s more than affordable, with no commitment! See you in the club.
Welcome to this inspiring series by Philippa Bennett, curator of The Mindfulness Moshpit, who’s planting seeds of joy and gratitude in those who are suffering under the weight of grief, loss and trauma.
Having come through the ordeal of losing her father to suicide, Philippa has come full circle to sow the seeds of happiness. She is going to give us the strategies she used to go from angry, grief-stricken no-hoper to a thriving well-being therapist, helping hundreds of people to pivot their lives into joy and gratitude.
All of us will experience grief at some time in our lives, and yet we don’t regularly talk about it. Why? Maybe it’s because many of us believe that if we bury that grief, it will diminish, or go away. What we eventually discover is that it has seeped into every part of our lives, making it difficult or impossible to experience unmitigated happiness and joy.
If you have experienced any level of grief, please read on. What Philippa has to share could change your life.
What you’ll read here has been taken directly from the Brand Builders TV episode called From Grief to Gratitude with Philippa Bennett. You may wish to view the entire YouTube video here, or read on to experience this, the first of a three-part series on grief.
It’s time to learn it, model it and get shit done. Let’s go!
Meet Philippa Bennett
Philippa Bennett is a homeopathic practitioner and well-being therapist, helping metal heads to “channel their inner rock-god and be confident in any situation,” and she’s accomplishing it with the help of her podcast, The Mindfulness Moshpit. Formerly known as The Well-Being Gardener, she also has tonnes of information to share on grief, and how to navigate it.
Philippa has helped countless people who have suffered trauma (and the grief that results) to experience joy in life. She knows this pain herself because her father committed suicide, and she spent years weighed down by grief, just going through the motions but not experiencing genuine happiness.
She has empowered entrepreneurs and professionals to break through the trauma that’s holding them down, so they can follow a path to gratitude and joy.
And now, Philippa is going to tell us about her traumatic experience (and the pain that resulted) in her own words.
Surviving Grief is Possible
Hello! I’m Philippa Bennett and I think it’s appropriate to start off by telling you that I have experienced trauma and deep sorrow. I was in a terrible, really low, down-low, down-on-my-luck, grief-stricken part of my life. Now I am a happy, healthy well-being therapist, full of joy, full of love and full of gratitude.
You need to know that this type of transformation is possible.
I’m going to start you off with a question. It could be tricky, difficult, or easy for you.
How would you define happiness?
I would define happiness as freedom, being in the countryside. For some it could be material or monetary possessions, feeling light, free or at ease. Or feeling uplifted.
Happiness is a tricky thing to define, isn’t it? That’s because it’s as subjective and as individual as we are. It depends upon your values and what you deem important in your life. That can be different for every single human being on the planet.
Before we continue, I’d like to tell you my story.
The Start of my Grief
About 30 years ago, I was an angry, frustrated teenager. I was already throwing temper tantrums and really wanted to get out of my parental home. I wanted to do my own thing.
At the age of 18, I went to university and threw myself into partying like never before. I really enjoyed going out and drinking, and I got very much into the rave scene—or free parties, as we called them. I tried to enjoy life as much as I could, but in hindsight, this wasn’t the way to do it.
After university, I ended up in a job I absolutely hated. It was the worst job I’ve ever had in my life. I was working in a call centre that had a bad reputation. I would go to work in the mornings crying. I would party on the weekends, have Mondays off, Wednesdays would be the dip (with the Wednesday blues) during the week, only to come back up again as the weekend (and partying) approached.
One Thursday night, I was sitting at home with my partner and friends, we were having some cans of lager and playing Nintendo 64. I got a phone call. My partner answered it and I could tell by his face that something was really wrong. The call was to inform us that my father had committed suicide. I went from being miserable and unhappy to absolutely and completely broken.
It was the worst time of my life. For two weeks after we got the news, I laid on my sofa and cried.
Then a bit of normalcy crept back in. I went back to work (to the job I hated) and really threw myself into partying. I partied as hard and as often as I could. But it got to a point where I thought, this can’t go on. I cannot keep trying to get rid of these painful, dark, horrible grief-ridden feelings by drinking and taking recreational drugs while ignoring what is going on.
Running from my Grief
I thought the best thing to do would be to move, which I did. I thought a change of scenery, change of life, change of everything would do me good. But the problem was that the grief was still with me. The happiness I wanted was in front of me. I was chasing it, but it was just moving further and further away.
I did that for a few years. I moved to Germany, to Australia, back to Germany, back to Australia…every time, thinking this time it’s the right thing to do. This time it’s going to make me happy. This time I’m going to find happiness and my life is going to get better.
But that grief was still inside me, and I could actually picture it. At the time I started my homeopathic process, my homeopath asked me to describe my grief. I knew exactly how to do that: it was a big, black, sticky, sludgy ball sitting in my gut. I’d been carrying that around the world with me and it had been stopping me from being happy.
I realised that I was doing it wrong. I was running around the world chasing happiness. The grief was running around the world with me, and it was all wrong.
Surviving Grief: Philippa's Journey
Wow! What an ordeal! My heart goes out to Philippa, as I’m sure yours does.
Philippa is using her transition from grief to gratitude to help others move from sorrow to joy along their own personal journeys. In the next instalment of this three-part series (Find Happiness in Spite of Grief), she’s going to help you take the first steps necessary in the pursuit of happiness, so you can do those things you enjoy most without grief weighing you down. And then, in the final article, The Impact of Grief on Happiness, she will be sharing wisdom to improve every area of your life—from health, to relationships, to livelihood, to finance—all in spite of grief.
Have you enjoyed the Brand Builders TV episode at the heart of this series? Are you looking for more on surviving grief and other important topics? If so, then you’ll want to subscribe to the Brand Builders TV YouTube channel for access to future recordings. Or, if you’d like advance notice of live Brand Builders TV episodes that are coming up, Like and Follow the Brand Builders TV Facebook page and we’ll keep you in the loop.